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Would You Vote for John McCain?

This was a funny little poem I saw on Digg. In all seriousness though, it amazes me that people are still going to vote for him after seeing what has happened in the past 8 years. Don’t be fooled, he really isn’t any different than George Bush. I’m also tired of hearing the lies his campaign spreads (head on over to politicaljackass.com to see what I’m talking about), especially that Obama will raise your taxes, when numerous economists and newspapers have reported that McCain’s tax policies are bad for the economy because they are just like Bush’s AND Obama’s tax cuts go to the middle class and not the wealthiest 1% of people. Anyway, here is the poem:

Would you vote for John McCain?
On a boat or in a plane?

I would not, could not, vote McCain.
Not in a boat. Not on a plane.

Could you vote if he were blue?
Could he get your dog’s vote too?

My dog would not vote for him,
nor would my cat.
I would not vote for John McCain.
I would not do it and that is that.

How about in the pouring rain,
under an umbrella held by John McCain?

I would not vote for John McCain.
I would not do it in the rain.

Would you, could you, in Outer Space?
If he beat Ms. Rodham in the ‘08 race?

I would not in a boat or plane
Under an umbrella, out in the rain.
Not with my dog and not with my cat.
I would not vote for John McCain,
I would not do it and that is that!

How about with green eggs and ham?
Liberally smeared with socialist jam?

Not in a boat, not in a plane,
Not in space and not in the rain.
Not with my dog and not with my cat
with eggs or ham or tit for tat.
I will not vote for John McCain.
I just won’t do it and that is that!

How about for a pat on the back?
How about if he promised you that?

Not in a boat and not in a plane,
nor outer space nor under the rain.
Not with my dog and not with my cat,
not even for promises of a pat on the back.
I will not vote for John McCain.
I will not vote for what’s-his-name!

And if he waterboards bad guys?
Will that change – maybe – the way he looks in your eyes?

It will not change however he looks,
he’s just another of the beltway crooks.
Not in a boat or plane
or dog or cat or in the rain.
not in space and not with jam,
that’s just not the kind of guy that I am.
I will not vote for John McCain.
I said it once and I’ll say it again!

Won’t you just listen
and give him a try?
He’s not as bad
as the other bad guys.

*Sigh* I will listen.
I’ll give you that much.
I’ll sit down and listen
to that old such and such.

Did you? Have you? Listened to John?
Did you hear the kind of a roll that he’s on?

I did listen! I did!
And he told me his plans.
How he’ll fix the broke berkas with his very own hands.
He spoke of tax-turbos and great medicare.
He told me to listen if only I’d dare!
He whirled his woo-wonka
and blew his own horn.
He fought against torture and terror and scorn!~
He promised to mend all the broken doo-dundants, the winky wank toogas and pundy pun-pundits.
He’d tell all those know-it-alls we’ll have no bad feelings,
or waterboard action or pincushion needlings.
We’d show the whole world that he really does care,
from his two swollen arches to his Santa-Claus hair.
He’ll reach across aisles and glad shake glad hands
and fix all our troubles with big rubber bands
and stern anxious warnings and strong finger wagging
and tough talk and pleading and sometimes just nagging.
He’d talk about torture while wearing a berka
and get Ted to wear one and maybe John Murtha
(though he doesn’t do much, ol’ Murtha these days, Nancy and Harry have adopted his ways!)
And when he was done I sat down for awhile
and thunkity-thunk till my think-thunker stunk.
then I realized a decision had come
with a klunk.

You decided? You decided?
And what you think?

I made up my mind.
THAT DUMB OLD GUY STINKS!
NOT IN A BOAT! NOT IN A PLANE!
NOT WITH CATS AND JAM AND DOGS IN THE RAIN!
NOT IN SPACE FOR THE PRESIDENT’S RACE!
I WILL NOT VOTE FOR JOHN MCCAIN!
NO IS NO AND DON’T ASK ME AGAIN!