Today is the 25th anniversary of the airing of the first episode of Saved by the Bell (not Good Morning, Miss Bliss). In honor of this momentous occasion, I present to you a post I wrote in 2008.

saved by the bellThe world is a large and frightening place filled with many bad things: Global warming, terrorism, racism, health issues, drugs, poverty, etc. You should not be afraid though. I can help you. The answer to all your fears is four simple little words: Saved by the Bell.

Yes, if everyone in the world watched this show the world would be a much better place. Just think about it for a second. SBTB addresses every major concern that plagues this world. Let’s examine how SBTB could help make the world a better place. The gang, consisting of Zack, Kelly, Lisa, Slater, Jessie, Screech, and for half a season, Tori, faced all these harsh world realities and survived. Let’s see how.

SBTB and the Environment
SBTB was thinking green long before it was the in thing to do. Thanks to Jessica Spano, the resident over achiever and environmental activist, we become aware of the major environmental concerns that plague the world. Whether she’s saving the whales, suggesting alternatives to styrofoam cups, or preventing Bayside High from becoming an oil field, Ms. Spano is a great crusader in the cause for Mother Earth. In fact, it is in episode number 45 “Pipe Dreams” that we learn how destructive drilling for oil can actually be. The gang’s beloved science class pets were all killed in the pond after oil spilled. Oil drilling is dangerous and we should be looking for alternatives to build a better future. As the gang states, we need to look for alternative energy so ducks like Becky don’t die anymore. If only we would have listened to SBTB back in 1991. Also check out the episode “Skip Day” for the harsh reality of styrofoam cups. They are not biodegradable and are ruing the planet. Thank you Jessie and Graham.

SBTB and Terrorism
SBTB was dealing with terrorism long before 9/11. Way back in 1989 the gang at Bayside High had to deal with those nasty terrorist from Valley. Stan and Dan Clegg wreak havoc on the halls of Bayside when they start the annual Prank War. Just as Bush responded to 9/11 attacks, Zack and Slater respond and kidnap Valley’s mascot, then the Bayside Tiger (Screech) is kidnapped. Of course, Bush attacked the wrong country whereas the gang at Bayside actually did target the right school. Of course, the lesson we can all learn from this whole mess is that if we all come together and talk at the end, like both schools and their respected principals do, we can live in a peaceful place and settle our differences. We just have to talk, and as we see in “The Wicked Stepbrother” we cannot negotiate with terrorists. If we do, they’ll take everything we have, including that awesome ball we caught at the Dodgers game.

SBTB and Racism
Bayside High was not the most diverse school. In fact, we barely even know that Lisa Turtle is African-American and Slater is Hispanic. Race was never brought up on the show, until the kids expanded their horizons and went off to college. When Slater finally realizes he has a Hispanic background he becomes interested. He learns about his Chicano background there are confrontations between him and Zack. Slater didn’t believe Zack was respecting his heritage. In the end, they worked things out and the race issues disappeared! Again, we just need to come together and talk and we will all get along! Respect each other’s differences, backgrounds, heritages and we can come together as people and live in harmony. If Zack and Slater can do it, we all can.

SBTB and Health Issues
SBTB didn’t deal with health that often. The kids never got sick in sunny California. However, there were a couple of episodes that did pop up that dealt with health. In the episode “From Nurse to Worse” we see macho man Slater afraid to get a flue shot. He cons Zack into taking it for him, but he learns his lesson at the end. Missing your shots is no laughing matter. If you want to stay strong and healthy, you must take care of yourself. If somehow you do wind up in the hospital, have no fear, because you will get the best healthcare possible, just ask Zack in “Operation Zack” when he has to go under the knife. He didn’t have to sign countless insurance forms and fill out tons of paperwork, he got in, got fixed, and left. Even the homeless guy in “Home for Christmas” received health care when he passed out in the mall.

SBTB and Drugs
Two of SBTB’s most famous episodes deal with drugs. If the world could watch these episodes and see how bad drugs really are, then no one would use them. In the “No Hope with Dope” episode, we see how drugs ruin a lot of lives. Not only is the image of their hero Johnny Dakota shattered when he starts smoking pot, but we learn about other people who have had their lives ruined by drugs, like John Belushi and another student’s older brother (who she has to drive to the beach now because he got high and drove and had an accident). The message is, drugs ruin a lot of lives. We also get reminded of Jessie’s stint with drugs, which brings us to the other episode that deals with drugs, “Jessie’s Song.” In this episode Jessie was addicted to caffeine pills, letting the world know that over the counter drugs can be bad for you too. Jessie screams at the end, mixed with the lyrics of her girl band, Hot Sundae, that she’s “so excited. So excited. So scared,” reminding us that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. If we all could see what Jessie went through in that episode, none of us would ever use drugs.

SBTB and Poverty
Poverty is a huge problem in the world today. If we could all just watch the episodes “Home for Christmas” we would see how big a problem poverty is. One of the biggest problems with poverty is people aren’t aware of it. SBTB made us aware. It showed us that homeless people aren’t lazy drunks, but out of work computer programmers with hot daughters who just need a break in life. If we all pitch in, like Zack’s family does, we can help eradicate the homeless problem in our country, and the world. Just open up your doors and let the homeless in, and if you can, give them a job like Zack’s dad does. With a little awareness and a little help, there will be no poverty or homelessness. Let all the out of work programmers into your home… and your heart.

Saved by the Bell doesn’t stop there though. No, those were just some of the major problems that are addressed in the episodes. There are smaller problems that we see solved, such as heartbreak (Kelly dumping Zack for the college creepy guy Jeff), drinking and driving, natural disaster readiness (the earthquake episode), sexism (the episode when a woman wants to wrestle), and many other important life lessons. Thank you Saved by the Bell. We will continue to learn from your greatness for years and years to come.

go bayside

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a huge Saved by the Bell fan. I could go toe-to-toe with anyone on SBTB trivia (impressive, I know), that’s why it was a big shock that there was a podcast about Saved by the Bell that I didn’t know about. Imagine that, two of my favorite things joined together, podcasts and SBTB. The result is the awesome Go Bayside.

If you’re not familiar with the podcast, it was started by comedian April Richardson and each episode is an in-depth discussion on an episode of SBTB (done in order of air date). About 2 years ago I had an idea to do a SBTB podcast but 1. I don’t have the time or know-how to do a podcast and 2. I would be hard-pressed to find someone that loves SBTB as much as me.

Anyway, the podcast, which is nearing the end of its run, features guest appearances by other comedians and actors, such as Chris Hardwick, Paul F. Tompkins, and Entourage’s Jerry Ferrara (Turtle), among others. Some of the guests are fans of the show and others never really watched it. Ferrara may even give me a run at super fan status. The discussions are hilarious and really shed light on how ridiculous the show actually was. If you ever watched the show and love podcasts, you should definitely check it out. It may bring back some good memories of the Saturday mornings and weekday afternoons that you spent with Zack and the gang.

I was a huge comic book nerd when Superman died (and subsequently came back) in the comics. Like many other people, comic book nerds and regular Joes, I was shocked when DC Comics announced they were killing the Man of Steel. We were even more horrified when DC decided to bring him back a few issues later.

Max Landis (son of famed director John Landis) decided to make a hilarious short film about the whole ordeal. Check it out below.

Recently Josh Malina posted a little joke on Twitter that has resulted in a variety of hilarious responses. For those who don’t understand the joke, when you click on the link in his tweet it takes you to your own profile. So, no matter who clicks on the link, as long as you’re logged in, you’re taken to your own profile. This joke has been used in a variety of ways in the past, but this one has drawn some funny responses. People who are this dumb shouldn’t be allowed on the internet. They are the ones that will unknowingly send you viruses and beg you with help bolding something in Word Windows. I’ll give you a few of my favorite responses.

@JoshMalina I may not make a lot of comments on FB but that is no reason to attack me and then spread it all over the web and Twitter.less than a minute ago via web

@JoshMalina I have reported you to Twitter in reference to your post about me being the worst person on Facebook.less than a minute ago via web


I am corresponding with a woman on FB who now “gets the joke,” but still wants me to remove the link to her profile. Wow…less than a minute ago via web


@whit_pip look at andy levy feed joshua malina just said i’m the worst person on facebookless than a minute ago via web


By the way, that last guy really took it seriously and decided to write a blog post about it. What a moron. No wonder he’s a Palin supporter.

If you want to follow the continuing parade of dumb people do a Google search for @joshmalina.

I’m loving the moves that the St. Louis Cardinals are making this year. In the face of a struggling pitching staff, roller coaster hitting performances, and general fan unease, the Cardinals have made some very noteworthy additions to the team. First we picked up Aaron Miles, one of the best lawn gnomes to ever play the game. Then we signed the .213 slugger Randy Winn, making St. Louis the 5th team that didn’t really want him but signed him anyway. Hot off the signing of former Cardinal Aaron Miles, and picking up Randy Winn, the Cardinals decided to sign a struggling former Cardinal pitcher, Jeff Suppan.

Jeff Suppan is coming back to the St. Louis Cardinals.

He will be joining the team in Phoenix and hopes to be active early next week. He will be signing for the pro-rated minimum, his agent Scott Leventhal said.

Suppan has not officially signed yet because the Cardinals have to work out some issues with the 40-man roster.

He was released by the Brewers on Monday after going 0-2 with a 7.84 ERA in 15 games.

Suppan pitched for the Cardinals from 2004-06 and was 44-26 with a 3.85 ERA, the best 3-year span in his career. He was the MVP in the 2006 NLCS, winning Game 7 over the Mets.

Suppan signed with the Brewers as a free agent in December of 2006. He was 29-36 with a 5.08 ERA in Milwaukee.

He is 35. STLToday

The Cardinals aren’t stopping there though. No, rumor has it that they are in talks of signing even more has-been players. After being petitioned by fans to get Jack Clark off the air, the Cardinals have signed him to a year long contract as a bench player. Also, negotiations are well under way with Dizzy and Daffy Dean‘s corpses. They are expected to join the Cardinals for the Seattle series.