The Buffalo Theory

Well, since I am talking about theories, and believe me, The Chappelle Theory was a really good piece of writing, I shall now tell you about a theory that every college student knows about. This theory is called The Buffalo Theory. It might just be the greatest theory every formulated by man. I know not who wrote this, I am only retelling it.

All through the Great Plains, there were millions of buffalo. The buffalo were hunted by the Plains Indians, or the more politically correct term, the Native Americans. These Native Americans had a system to hunting the buffalo. You see, buffalo move in herds. They can only move as fast as the slowest member of the herd. The Native Americans recognized this, and would hunt the slowest member. What they didn’t realize is that when you kill the slowest member, it would essentially make the herd faster, as now the slowest member has been killed. This made it more difficult for the Native Americans to hunt the buffalo after long periods of time.

Alcohol is a lot like those Native Americans. Instead of hunting buffalo, it hunts brain cells. Now, just like the buffalo, brain cells can only work as good as the worst one. Alcohol kills the slower brain cells. Therefore, the more you drink, the smarter you become. So drink up everyone. The world is counting on you.