The Difference Between Red and Blue

states Blue States: Home of good schools
Red States: Homeskooled good

Blue States: Favor electric cars
Red States: Favor electric chairs

Blue States: Concerned about ballooning deficits’ effect on capital markets turning gains into thin air
Red States: Concerned about whether it’s demons that make balloons float in thin air

Blue States: Favor institutionalized health care for the poor
Red States: Favor institutionalizing the poor

Blue States: After the 9/11 attacks, put coffins in the ground
Red States: After the 9/11 attacks, put magnetic flags on the car

Blue States: Forget that God did not give Adam a Steve
Red States: Forget that not only did God give Abraham three wives, He gave Solomon 300 concubines

Blue States: Enormous cities that serve as the engines of human progress
Red States: Enormous Hummers that serve as the engines for Arab oil

Blue States: Provide the “tax” part of “tax and spend”
Red States: Provide the “spend on a new 8-lane highway to link a Wal-Mart to the Olive Garden” part of “tax and spend”

Blue States: Believe we’re all brothers and sisters under the skin.
Red States: Don’t mind if we’re brothers and sisters under the sheets.

Blue States: Fighting to clean up skid row
Red States: Fighting to clean up skid marks

Blue States: Concerned about global warming
Red States: Don’t like to travel and are too fat to fit in an airline seat anyway, so glad to hear that the tropics are coming to Texas. Yee-haw!

Blue States: Follow Jesus, but doesn’t believe in Him
Red States: Believe in Jesus, but doesn’t follow Him

Blue States: Want to repeal the Patriot Act
Red States: Want to repeal the Emancipation Proclamation

Blue States: Favor drafting annoying laws on assault rifles
Red States: Assault annoying in-laws with rifles after being drafted

Blue States: Want the right for everyone to worship as they choose
Red States: Want the right to choose everyone’s worship

Blue States: Want a rational energy policy
Red States: Want policy of energetic irrationalism

Blue States: Used benefits to assist victims on account of attacks
Red States: Used attacks to benefit Toby Keith’s bank account

Blue States: Watched friends in New York die in foxy attacks on America
Red States: Attack New York on Fox for not being friends of America

Blue States: Believe God loves us and gave everyone free will to be different
Red States: Believe God willed us to freely hate everyone different

Blue States: Believe in Mr. Darwin’s theory of “Evolution”
Red States: Believe in Mr. Jesus’ “Talking Snake” theory

Blue States: Slave to pay inheritance taxes
Red States: Inherited slaves

Blue States: Buy art
Red States: Collect Beanie Babies

Paul says:

12/5/2004 at 5:31 pm

This is elitism at it’s most damaging.

This is hate speech.

Youn condemn the “red states” as intolerant…when your classist warfare against those people in the red states is what you think you’re crusading against.

You are just as much part of the problem as are religious fanatics.

shep says:

12/5/2004 at 5:37 pm

comedy- A dramatic work that is light and often humorous or satirical in tone and that usually contains a happy resolution of the thematic conflict.
A humorous occurrence.

it was posted as humor.

classist warfare? where do you come up with this shit? yes, i’m claiming my own sort of jihad against red states (one of them i happen to live in). die red states, die. (in case your sense of humor (or lack there of) didn’t catch that, that was sarcasm.)

12/5/2004 at 5:44 pm

It was posted in your political category, sorry for assuming it was a political statement.

12/5/2004 at 5:46 pm

that’s because it has to with politics. you can see that all the parodies and political cartoons and whatnot are posted under politics. funny, for someone who hates me and my site so much, you sure spend a lot of time on it.