The World Does Not Revolve Around Your 6 Year Old
It’s time for a rant about 6 year olds and their mothers. What really bugs me is how much mothers coddle their young kids. What set off this rant is I was driving through my neighborhood and all the moms are standing at the corner with their kids and putting them on the bus. No, they weren’t just watching them get on the bus, they were walking them on the bus, making sure they were seated, and then talked to the bus driver for literally 5 minutes. Excuse me lady, there are 10 cars behind this bus. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your kid. We all have things to do and you are holding us up. The bus driver does not need to know about what “cute” thing your kid did last night or where you are going for the holidays. In fact, I’m betting the bus driver doesn’t care in the least. The bus driver has a job to do, and when you stop and talk to them for 5 minutes, you are impeding their job. Just because you have nothing better to do doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t.
Since these are young kids, there is a bus stop on every single corner of my street. Add up all those 5 minute conversations and you waste way too much of my life. Be considerate of the long line of cars lining up because you can’t shut your mouth. You also don’t need to wave to your kid until the bus is out of sight. Congratulations, your kid is now going to be teased and beat up the rest of his life because you don’t know when to loosen the slack on his leash. Now, go back in your house, stare at the clock until it’s time for the bus to drop off your precious kid, then go outside and talk to the bus driver again and waste more of my time.
As the great Bill Hicks said;
“Your children are not special… I know you think they are special, I’m aware of that, I’m just trying to tell you- they are not.
Did you know that every time a guy comes, he comes 200 million sperm? Did you know that? And you mean to tell me you think your child is special? Because one out of 200 million sperm connected . . . that load? Gee, what are the fucking odds? Do you know what that means? I have wiped entire civilizations off of my chest, with a grey gym sock. That is special. Entire nations have flaked and crusted in the hair around my navel. That is special. And I want you to think about that, you two-egg-carrying beings out there with that holier-than-thou, we-have-the-gift-of-life attitude. I have tossed universes, in my underpants, whilst napping. That is special.”
The conversation is actually something like this… “Now Suzie had the sniffles last night, so if she complains about not feeling well, it’s ok for her to call me and I’ll come pick her up. And make sure she wears her hat until she gets to school. And there’s this other girl that she sits near that Suzie says smells funny… can you move her? But please don’t move her too close to the front or she’ll get chilled every time you open the door…” There are many parents who think that every person who provides a service to their child is a part of their own personal staff of employees.
Of course it does not! It does revolve around me though.