Tag Archive for: Humor

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Would You Vote for John McCain?

This was a funny little poem I saw on Digg. In all seriousness though, it amazes me that people are still going to vote for him after seeing what has happened in the past 8 years. Don’t be fooled, he really isn’t any different than George Bush. I’m also tired of hearing the lies his campaign spreads (head on over to politicaljackass.com to see what I’m talking about), especially that Obama will raise your taxes, when numerous economists and newspapers have reported that McCain’s tax policies are bad for the economy because they are just like Bush’s AND Obama’s tax cuts go to the middle class and not the wealthiest 1% of people. Anyway, here is the poem:

Would you vote for John McCain?
On a boat or in a plane?

I would not, could not, vote McCain.
Not in a boat. Not on a plane.

Could you vote if he were blue?
Could he get your dog’s vote too?

My dog would not vote for him,
nor would my cat.
I would not vote for John McCain.
I would not do it and that is that.

How about in the pouring rain,
under an umbrella held by John McCain?

I would not vote for John McCain.
I would not do it in the rain. Read more

Can I Get a Napkin Please?

There is this awesome group called Improv Everywhere. They set up situations with tons of improv actors and film the resulting scene. They’ve done things such as show up to Best Buy wearing blue polo shirts (looking like Best Buy employees), going to Abercrombie and Fitch and taking off their shirts, wearing no pants on the subway, and freezing in Grand Central Station. There latest video is a spontaneous musical in a food court. I love the people’s reactions. They are an impressive group and I love their videos. Here is the musical.

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Common Sense, Where Art Thou?

At what point in your life do you develop common sense because it sure isn’t in middle school. Three things happened today, each with a different kid, that made me come to this conclusion and oddly enough they all happened at lunch time. Maybe low blood sugar is to blame.

The first incident is as we were leaving the room to grab our lunches a kid starts walking in the opposite direction of the cafeteria. Now, this is February 29th. This kid has been at this school all year. He knows where the cafeteria is. He’s even been in my class before. Yet for a moment he forgot where the cafeteria was.

The second was a kid getting his lunch. The choices today were pizza, ham and cheese sandwich, pasta, or fish sticks. This kid was dumbfounded by fish sticks. He looked at the lunch lady like she was an alien. He then asked her if they had chicken inside. Yes, they are called fish sticks because chicken is inside. Talk about a Jessica Simpson moment.

The last incident was a kid dropped his pasta all over the floor. He just stood there staring at it. He then asks what he should do and of course the answer was to clean it up. That confused him even more. When you drop something, you clean it up. Get some napkins and wipe up the mess, then go get another lunch.

Kids are funny. Days like these bring a smile to my face.

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The World Can be Saved (by the Bell)

saved by the bellThe world is a large and frightening place filled with many bad things: Global warming, terrorism, racism, health issues, drugs, poverty, etc. You should not be afraid though. I can help you. The answer to all your fears is four simple little words: Saved by the Bell.

Yes, if everyone in the world watched this show the world would be a much better place. Just think about it for a second. SBTB addresses every major concern that plagues this world. Let’s examine how SBTB could help make the world a better place. The gang, consisting of Zack, Kelly, Lisa, Slater, Jessie, Screech, and for half a season, Tori, faced all these harsh world realities and survived. Let’s see how. Read more

Random Weird Quotes From a Friend

I have a good friend that makes me laugh a lot. When we talk via IM, I have to look back and re-read some of the things that are said because she cracks me up. Some seem completely random and others make some sense in the context. Either way, they always brighten up my day.

GIANT PANCAKE COVERING THE SCHOOL

In talking about World of Warcraft: i think when i hit 69… i’m going to stay there forever. until 69 stops being funny to me

potstickers suck my ass and not in a good way

Me: so i told her not to madonna on me (pretend to be british when you’re not)
Me: that shall be the new catch phrase
Friend: shall
Friend!: you british geek
Me: shall isn’t british
Friend: shall is pompous
Me: but i had someone just tell me something was brilliant
Friend: tisn’t it?
Me: no, tisn’t
Friend: jolly good
Me: pip pip, cheerio
Friend: bloody hell
Me: wanker
Friend: bollocks!
Me: wicked googly

i just uttered the phrase “put that superman belt in your bookbag”

Friend: i don’t mean this in a sexual way
Friend: but
Friend: i’m not wearing any underwear
Friend: rofl

BENIHANA is my jesus

you ever cough so hard that you’re afraid you’ll wet yourself?