Tag Archive for: Humor

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Top 10 Signs You’re a Fundamentalist Christian

10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2 – You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.

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Just sit right back and hear a tale

Do you ever sit back and laugh (and cry) at some of the dumb antics the Bush Administration engages in? Does it seem too crazy to be true, like you’re almost watching a TV show? Well, Peter Norvig asks, what if the Bush Administration was a remake of Gilligan’s Island? This is what he came up with:

Plot Synopses for Episodes of a Gilligan’s Island Remake Starring Members of the Bush Administration.

BY PETER NORVIG

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Gilligan invades a neighboring island of cannibals. He mistakenly believes that Mary Ann and Ginger would be a sufficient force to secure the island, and Skipper erroneously claims they would be welcome as liberators.

A hurricane hits the island. Gilligan does nothing to help, but tells Mrs. Howell, “Lovey, you’re doing a heck of a job.”

Skipper goes hunting for fowl on the island and accidentally shoots Mr. Howell in the face, then waits a day before telling Gilligan.

The professor’s experiments conclusively show that climate change is causing the island to sink into the sea. Gilligan erases his papers and tries to stop him from talking, thinking that will make the problem go away.

Brohemian Rhapsody

What do you get when you have a creative filmmaker with Frat House experiences that is also a fan of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody? Answer: This hilarious video.

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Drinking by Discipline

It is no secret that teachers consume alcohol and sometime in large quantities. Sometimes it is just socializing after the football game or parent-teacher conference, but most of the time it is a way to forget the spoiled kids they deal with for 8 hours a day, 185 days a year.

Below is how the average subject teacher probably drinks.

English:

Females will drink wine or martinis. Generally is a slow drinker and will only have a few before going home.
Males go after Scotch or something on the high end of the market. May drink beer but mostly Guinness, Bass, or Stella. Usually English teachers are the last ones to the bar and the first ones to leave. Read more

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The Blueberry Story

This story is a bit old. I first heard it while student teaching in Troy as told to my Contemporary Issues class by my cooperating teacher. It is an excellent story about trying to run the education system as a business. Why post it now? Well, #wordpress was in one of it’s several hour long political discussions and many things came up. This time I didn’t participate, probably because politics bores me right now. I did offer this story though. It’s a good read.

“If I ran my business the way you people operate your schools, I wouldn’t be in business very long!”

I stood before an auditorium filled with outraged teachers who were becoming angrier by the minute. My speech had entirely consumed their precious 90 minutes of inservice. Their initial icy glares had turned to restless agitation. You could cut the hostility with a knife. Read more