saved by the bellThe world is a large and frightening place filled with many bad things: Global warming, terrorism, racism, health issues, drugs, poverty, etc. You should not be afraid though. I can help you. The answer to all your fears is four simple little words: Saved by the Bell.

Yes, if everyone in the world watched this show the world would be a much better place. Just think about it for a second. SBTB addresses every major concern that plagues this world. Let’s examine how SBTB could help make the world a better place. The gang, consisting of Zack, Kelly, Lisa, Slater, Jessie, Screech, and for half a season, Tori, faced all these harsh world realities and survived. Let’s see how. Read more

I have a good friend that makes me laugh a lot. When we talk via IM, I have to look back and re-read some of the things that are said because she cracks me up. Some seem completely random and others make some sense in the context. Either way, they always brighten up my day.

GIANT PANCAKE COVERING THE SCHOOL

In talking about World of Warcraft: i think when i hit 69… i’m going to stay there forever. until 69 stops being funny to me

potstickers suck my ass and not in a good way

Me: so i told her not to madonna on me (pretend to be british when you’re not)
Me: that shall be the new catch phrase
Friend: shall
Friend!: you british geek
Me: shall isn’t british
Friend: shall is pompous
Me: but i had someone just tell me something was brilliant
Friend: tisn’t it?
Me: no, tisn’t
Friend: jolly good
Me: pip pip, cheerio
Friend: bloody hell
Me: wanker
Friend: bollocks!
Me: wicked googly

i just uttered the phrase “put that superman belt in your bookbag”

Friend: i don’t mean this in a sexual way
Friend: but
Friend: i’m not wearing any underwear
Friend: rofl

BENIHANA is my jesus

you ever cough so hard that you’re afraid you’ll wet yourself?

10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 – You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”

3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

2 – You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but still call yourself a Christian.

Do you ever sit back and laugh (and cry) at some of the dumb antics the Bush Administration engages in? Does it seem too crazy to be true, like you’re almost watching a TV show? Well, Peter Norvig asks, what if the Bush Administration was a remake of Gilligan’s Island? This is what he came up with:

Plot Synopses for Episodes of a Gilligan’s Island Remake Starring Members of the Bush Administration.

BY PETER NORVIG

– – – –

Gilligan invades a neighboring island of cannibals. He mistakenly believes that Mary Ann and Ginger would be a sufficient force to secure the island, and Skipper erroneously claims they would be welcome as liberators.

A hurricane hits the island. Gilligan does nothing to help, but tells Mrs. Howell, “Lovey, you’re doing a heck of a job.”

Skipper goes hunting for fowl on the island and accidentally shoots Mr. Howell in the face, then waits a day before telling Gilligan.

The professor’s experiments conclusively show that climate change is causing the island to sink into the sea. Gilligan erases his papers and tries to stop him from talking, thinking that will make the problem go away.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a huge fan of Frank Sinatra and The Rat Pack. Joey Bishop was the last surviving member of the group. From The New York Times:

Joey Bishop, the long-faced comedian and the last surviving member of the Rat Pack, Frank Sinatra’s celebrated retinue of the 1960’s, died Wednesday night at his home in Newport Beach, Calif. He was 89.

His death was of multiple causes, said his longtime publicist, Warren Cowan.

Mr. Bishop was the least flamboyant of the Rat Pack and no match for the others — Peter Lawford, Sammy Davis Jr., Dean Martin and Sinatra himself — in their dedication to hell-raising.

But he shared in their phenomenal success in the early 1960s, when they headlined music and comedy shows in Las Vegas, appearing at the Sands, and made movies like “Ocean’s 11” and “Sergeants 3.” When John F. Kennedy, a friend of Sinatra’s and a brother-in-law of Lawford’s, was elected president in 1960, Mr. Bishop was master of ceremonies at the inaugural ball.